Sunday, October 23, 2016

No, I'm Not Myself

It has been awhile since I've blogged and that is because I haven't felt well in awhile. My thyroid levels decided to blow up and my iodine levels are half as much as they should be. The result? An exhausted full-on demon named Jen.

I was diagnosed with Graves about ten years ago, had radioactive iodine treatment, and have had issues going back and forth between hypo and hyper every so often. In the past few years, I've felt hypo but my labs showed I was hyper, which could be because my iodine levels were low. I've done some medicine changes, some med dosage changes, added meds, taken away meds, and gone gluten free in the past. As of last week, I'm on Synthyroid, Cytomel, iodine, and still gluten free.

I always feel stupid complaining about being hypothyroidism because it is mostly internal and only you know how awful you feel. Most of the time, people think I'm just being a whiny bitch (no comments from the peanut gallery, thank you!). At least with Graves, my eyes looked crazy bugged out, so people must of thought something was wrong with me.  I feel stupid saying I don't feel well because I'm tired....yeah me and the rest of the world, right? Add in muscle weakness, feeling cold (especially top of my hands and feet) even on warm days, difficulty concentrating, memory loss (you have no idea how long it took me to remember how to spell "creature" the other day), brain fog, lack of motivation, poor stress tolerance, clumsiness, weight gain (no matter your diet or how much you work out), dry skin, irritability (to that put mildly), mood swings, depression, elevated cholesterol levels and you've got a major clusterf%ck in your puffy hands.

I noticed a major change when I was on vacation at the beach last month and it has only gotten worse. I got my levels checked and they were through the roof. I wasn't surprised at all because I was feeling like total garbage. My doctors changed my meds and added iodine a week or so ago, so hopefully it will kick in soon.  It hasn't been surprising to hear people say that I'm different or they feel that something is wrong with me.

It is very isolating when I'm hypothyroid because I choose (not that people would want to hang out with me in my state anyway -haha) to stay away from people as much as possible. Unfortunately, some people don't have the luxury of avoiding me. I don't have a lot of patience, I get frustrated very easily, I get angry about stupid shit, I whine, I complain and I get down because it seems to take FOREVER to feel normal again. I haven't worked out in forever (August 18th was my last gym check in) because I get so tired so fast and it is hard to recover from it. I've lost muscle in my upper body, so my back and shoulders are always hurting.  I don't hang out with my friends because, well, I can be a total bitch.  My coworkers probably feel my wrath the worst so I tend to stay in my office and eat a very quick lunch by myself. All my poor husband can do it hope he doesn't say or do anything that will make lose my shit.

I'm trying to make tiny goals for myself and trying not to be too hard (or too easy, gotta push myself sometimes) on myself, so my only goal this week is to get to the gym twice this week and workout for fifteen minutes. Gotta get back to being on a schedule and feeling normal again.

So, if you haven't heard from me, if I don't answer your texts, give you a snappy remark, etc, don't worry. You are in good company and hopefully in the upcoming weeks I'll be back to my semi-demon self.


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