I'm Not A Marathoner

Urgh, I have been dreading this post for almost a week now. I still don't really know what to write bc I have a million emotions still going thru me, and honestly, most of them are negative: anger, sadness, and depression to name a few.

I am not a marathoner. Ouch, that still hurts.

So, here's the story.....Matt, the dogs and I all left for WV on Friday afternoon. I packed and felt confident I remembered everything. I had a schedule planned in my head of where I needed and wanted to be. I felt nervous, but good OCD nervous.

We had a nice drive and we watched the Simpson's on the way in and what do you know...the episode when Homer runs a marathon came on.

My niece made me this fantastic bracelet for the race:

Jager LOVED Claire and won't leave her alone.

Saturday morning, I woke up and ran a few errands with my mother in law, niece and Matt's aunt. I was searching for Marshall shirt to wear for the race and I ended up with two...plus a green headband and socks from a local Marshall shop. Shit there is expensive! Matt's aunt bought be my shirt for the race and I am very appreciative bc she really didn't have to do that. Thanks, Terri!

After lunch we headed to the expo for packet pick up and met some Loopsters (a running group online thru Runner's World). Matt and I had no idea where to find them so I said to Matt to look for people that may have a Loopsters shirt on and sure, enough I found them. I was pretty overwhelmed about meeting everyone but everyone couldn't have been nicer. I met some great people! I wish I would've taken more pictures with everyone, but I was too busy running my mouth after awhile-haha. We took a great shot by the Ohio River:

After the picture, we headed back to the expo to hear Bart Yasso speak. He was great. I even got a picture with him and he signed my book.

I had my usual dinner and got out all my marathon gear. I felt oddly calm but I don't know if I acted like it. I relaxed with Matt and set my alarm for 4:30am.

Marathon morning was cold. Very cold. I walked around with Matt and my mother in law until the start of the race. I started to feel very unsettled, but knew that was normal. I had a lot of ground to cover.

I started out on target. I followed my intervals and stayed steady. I felt decent until about mile five when I felt a twinge under my rib cage. Odd...maybe a cramp? That is when I realized I hadn't been drinking. Awesome.

I started drinking and eating, but the more I ate and drank the more I felt nauseous and started to dry heave...again, awesome.

Then the pain under my rib got worse and worse. I stopped stretched and then started to panic. How was I going to finish? What if I got to mile 22 and I was over the time limit? What if, what if, what if.

I saw Matt, my mother in law, and Terri a few times around the course. They asked me how I was doing and always said, "Not well." They were very encouraging, and I continued on.

Mile 10 I had a strong feeling I was not going to finish and that PISSED ME THE FUCK OFF. Four months of training, weight gain, aches, pain, ice, sweat, early mornings, deer, birds, humidity and it comes down to a DNF at my first marathon. WHAT THE FUCK. I was livid at myself. I called Matt and said I was going to stop and that my battery was low on my phone. He said to keep going and he'd meet me...this only after arguing with me that I could do this. My ab hurt terribly and I didn't even know if I could go anymore...mentally or physically.

I made it to mile 13, but didn't cross. I couldn't bear to hear my name as I crossed not achieving what I had set out for me. Matt found me and I immediately started crying.....and not a pretty cry either. I was a mess. I felt awful. I trained and trained, drove hours to get here, spend a lot of money on the marathon and gear in general and I had nothing to show. I dreaded telling people that I didn't finish. I was embarrassed  and disappointed.

The dogs were depressed as well.

 I got to Matt's parents house and went on Facebook and got the "I didn't finish" crap out there right away. I just wanted it all to go away and not talk about it. After I got out of the shower and ate, I realized my phone was lighting up like crazy. My family and friends are so supportive and I'm very grateful. THANK YOU.

After staying in bed, eating and being all depressed, I got up and joined the family for dinner at the Outback. It felt good to get out and enjoy visiting.

Matt's mom was nice enough to make me breakfast in the morning, so I ate with my niece and nephew before we headed out. We left to get back to Raleigh at about 10am and got in at about 4pm. The dogs were exhausted.  I was very stiff, sore and still dehydrated. I was glad to get to bed later that evening.

There will at some point be a part two to this after I think about what I think went wrong and if I'll try again for another 26.2 miles, but right now I'm just enjoying visiting with my best friend and her son and celebrating Julie and Moseley's daughter's 1st birthday this weekend. 

Again, I want to thank everyone for your support during all this training. You are guys are the best! Oh and extra points to those who didn't unfriend me or hide me on Facebook (trust me, I don't blame you, I do it all the time and honestly who cares? It's freaking Facebook. ), bonus points for you all! 

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